Christmastime in the Emerald City

{July 8, 2008}   Sex and the South

Hello all my patient readers, yes, all four of you probably remaining after I’ve been away for about a month. What the hell ass has been going on over here, you may be wondering? Jes?

Well. Let me tell you.

For those not in the know, last October someone who’s blog I read commented on one of my posts. He was thusly blogrolled, as is often the case. His name is Josh, going by Rotgut McCoy at the time, over on blogspot until someone told him how much better wordpress is. Anyway, we had fun reading each others posts, and then graduated to facebook and instant messenger, talking every day, sometimes for hours after work. It got to the point where we got along so well, we started wondering what kind of ridiculous cosmic joke was being played on us. You’d think we would be dating in the 3D world if it wasn’t for the pesky 800 mile difference. And then one day we realized that we’re madly in love, and 800 miles doesn’t seem that far any more. Well shit, that’s awesome, but what now?

For a number of reasons, a lack of vacation time being only one of them, Josh is rather stuck where he is. And so, when the timing was just right, I went down to see him. That’s right, I finally got my ass down to North Carolina to test the sweet sweet waters of internet love out there in the real world. The parental units were rather uncertain, what with me going all by my lonesome down to dixie land to meet up with a strange man in a foreign world. The friends, who know Josh as well and know that he’s not some internet stalker, were more cautious along the lines of “Don’t get drunk and run your ass to a drive thru wedding chapel.” But off I went.

How did it go?

I. Am. Smitten.

That’s right folks. As usual, my gut feeling was completely correct, and hauling myself down to the states via a 24 hour bus ride full of fried-chicken-brandishing toddlers, heinous levels of air conditioning and the wonderful border patrol officers just waiting for the chance to snap that rubber glove all led up to the most wonderful moment in my life so far:

First Kiss
First Kiss

There was no first meeting awkwardness, no “Oh…yeah, you’re not the same in real life.” No weirdness of any sort other than the fact that we’re both just kind of weird as it is. The only thing that sucked was the sickening dread of my departure date, and FYI I will be investing in plenty of anti-anxiety meds for the next trip because feeling like you’re going to die while you’re trying to enjoy your last few hours together is not very productive. But as for the trip itself, a better time could not be had. I love Josh, I love his family, I love his friends. I very nearly didn’t get on the bus home. I probably shouldn’t have considering the trip home, but that’s for the next post


So stay tuned for the regularly scheduled ranting you’ve come to know and love, particularly in regards to Greyhound and their raging ineffectiveness (go on, ask me how I broke some toes), anyone classified as a LaFawnda, and my incredibly biased anger towards the politics of moving across the border. In the meantime, however, some awesome photos.

Equally Weird
Equally Weird

 Shots in Dixieland
Shots in Dixieland


Yes, there we are in the first of many crazy adventures, licking blue icing off a scary one-eyed snaggletoothed pineapple man. Quite possibly the product of the tequila shots you see there, even though that clearly took place on another occasion. There were many tequila shots. Also, there you can see Josh’s brother Nate and his wife Sami. We stayed with them for the week, and they are unbelievably super cool rad. I heart them very much. They wanted me to buy a house there. I nearly did. 

Caught in the Rain

Caught in the Rain

 So we’ve got this thing about wanting to kiss in the rain, so when the downpour hit we were all over it. In that “Let’s not actually get drenched and instead kiss on the front porch about an inch from the rain” kind of way. It was super romantic and awesome.

Ready, Aim...Fail

Ready, Aim...Fail

So I evidently forgot how to kiss, but at least I’m headed in the right direction. At dinner that night, Josh suddenly leaned over, kissed his own shoulder, and very quickly became puzzled. “I’m…not sure why I did that. I think maybe I thought of kissing you and my shoulder was just closer.” Best. Boyfriend. Ever. Also, I’m wearing his shirt. Best. Girlfriend. Ever.
Awwwww yeah

Awwwww yeah

So we made nacho dip one day after a barfingly cute trip to the grocery store where we stocked up on fun time American food (Sami, my oh-so-future-sister-in-law, is a fan of the Mac’n’Velveeta. She’s wonderful, though, don’t judge her by the cheeze.) FYI, please note that we kept the snaggletoothed pineapple for a few days before eating him.


That nacho dip? OHHHHHHH SO GOOOOOOOD. It was like a meal for the next three days, I even warmed some up for Josh when he came home from work for lunch. Apparently being domestic tastes good.
Le Maison LP

Le Maison LP

Josh’s little brother LP lives in an awesome old farmhouse out in what seems like the middle of nowhere to city slicker me. But it was rad getting there, cause we pretty much got around everywhere on Josh’s scooter. I love it cause it’s like being on a motorcycle, except not big and loud and scary to a girl who can count the number of times she’s been in a car this year on one hand. Sadly, we forgot to get a picture of us on the scooter. I think we forgot to get a picture of LP too, but he may have planned it that way. Either way, here’s us chilling in LP’s room.
Token Emo Shot

Token Emo Shot

Since Josh bought a fancy new digital camera for the occasion of my visit, we very obviously had to take an emo shot or two. I think we do a pretty good job. This was at Josh’s friends Kenny and Rachel (married and awesome, they met over MySpace because America has never heard of Facebook apparently), but they’re in a later picture. For now, cue the My Chemical Romance and a tragic haircut.
I\'m Adorable, I Know

Cute, I know 😀

Our Picnic

Our Picnic

Mah Behbeh

Mah Behbeh



Josh worked his ass off to win a contest at work so he could get an extra day off. We celebrated with a picnic by the lake. I’ll give you a moment to get over the girly squeals…..okay, so guess how else we celebrated? No, besides that. To celebrate my entire trip and our general awesomeness, we also got….matching tattoos!
Super Bad Ass Love Tats

Super Bad Ass Love Tats

So everybody knows that even if you’ve been married for three thousand years you should never get each others names tattooed on you lest you spontaneously divorce in a brief time space continuum shift. So we went with matching tattoos instead. My stars are red, white and blue, a vaguely americana tribute to my awesome time in dixie land. His are green, natch.
Potato, potato, potato

Potato, potato, potato

Josh is very proud of the BBQ heritage of his state, so we obviously took a lunch date to Carolina BBQ, an adorable little restaurant filled with early morning churchgoers and small town news. The food was really good, although it took me a second to realize that everything on my plate was potato based. However, I really like potatos.
Sans Makeup

Sans Makeup

Josh felt the need to document my makeup application process. I don’t know why. But this was just before heading to a very delicious cookout. You may notice we do a lot of stuff surrounding food. That’s because food is awesome, and wherever Josh and I are, deliciousness abounds. You can see the deviled eggs in my eyes. And the “Chick’n” burgers…
Kenny and Rachel

Kenny and Rachel

Cookout Awesomeness

Cookout Awesomeness

There’s Kenny and Rachel 😀 Kenny is awesome. Rachel is also awesome, and also fun sized. Please also notice Angry Johnny Boulder Fists over the BBQ, he was our excellent host for the occasion. He’s actually quite mild mannered and I think was the only one who actually said “What are those?” when I mentioned the Canadian military’s latest secret weapon, the B-Double-A’s (“Bow And Arrow.” Thanks Rick Mercer.)
The cookout was on the day before I left. Since the day I left was somewhat tainted by, you know, being miserable at having to leave and a bit handicapped with anxiety, I think it’s perfect to leave you with a few more glimpses of an awesome day in what now feels like the other half of my life. Enjoy, you lucky people.

Josh says:

I have to be honest with you darlin, our first kiss was not the best moment of my life so far. I was still pretty nervous and wound up from the anticipation of getting to be with you, and I was kind of tired from work, and hungry, and hot from standing outside at the bus stop. I was too distracted to really focus on how I was feeling. I would say the best moment for me from the trip was when we were laying in bed together that night, and I could just hold you for a while and let it all sink in.

I really like the shots in dixie land picture. I think it captures the feel of the trip well. We did a lot of that, and had a lot of crazy, wild fun. And how happy do you look in that picture eating the six layer dip. I mean talk about purring. LP’s house is not exactly in the middle of nowhere, it’s just on the edge of town. But I can see how it feels like that, being off the highway a bit, and surrounded by farms and such.

The picture of us together with our fresh tattoos is one of my favorite pictures of my whole life. I am definitely printing that one out and putting it up somewhere, presumably with a bunch of others from the trip. And yes, down here we do most of our get togethers based around food, but that’s how we roll. At least it’s good food, right? come on now, who doesn’t like getting fat in the south? Gah, everyone loves that, dixie fried baby!

I love you, and I can’t wait to see you again, whenever that will be, as soon as that can be. And this was an adorable post. There’s nothing I enjoy more than hearing people talk about how cool my life is and how much of a lovable slab of man meat I am. Oh yeah, plus the good memories and stuff. Whatever. You’re the best Em, I’ll post my trip follow up soon. Maybe, probably, maybe.

Aww your back! You were missed muchly.
Thers no pics of your “twice-before-breakfast-orange-dress” !!

I’m glad you had a good time and its worked out excellent for you two.

Ginny says:

A wee bit of my cold, frozen heart thawed when I read this. You all are ADORABLE! I’m glad you went with tattoos rather than a wedding, because believe it or not, the tattoos are less permanent. Thanks for sharing all this.


(P.S. I would be so fucking fat if I lived in the south. Fat, and happy, I think.)

2lazydogs says:

I have been waiting and waiting and waiting to hear about this southernfriedlovefest. You two are just so frickin’ precious I can’t stand it. And ooooo, I gots me some news of my own. Yes, it’s true…I’ve found me some blog love. I am officially in internet love. Woo hoo. I knew if I followed your lead I’d be head over heels in bloglove. The only problem is that he is all the fucking way across the entire US of A from me.

And we’re not talking tatoos…we are talking w.e.d.d.i.n.g. Ahhhhh!

I can’t wait to hear more about your bloggylove goodness. When will you see each other again? Huh? Huh?

romi41 says:

“no “Oh…yeah, you’re not the same in real life.”.”

-that was my favourite part hands down…and shit, I got a little misty-eyed at your anxiety-filled goodbye description! What the hell is wrong with me!?!!?!….hahaha 😉

PS: I so loved looking at all these pics, so many new ones vs. the ones I saw on Facebook! cutest (and most bad-ass)…couple….ever 🙂

I finally made it. Better late than never. Love the pics, love the post. You two are too cute. The tats are pretty damn cool. Looking forward to the next update. 🙂 Congrats on a great trip, a great meeting, and a great time together. 😉

duffboy says:

You had a whale of a time, and you’ve just convinced me of getting ink on me, although I have no one in my life right now deserving of matching tats. Congrats, Talea. I’m friends with Romi on Facebook, will look you up.

@ mah behbeh: Well laying in bed together that night was a pretty awesome moment too, so I’ll let you have that one 😉 And I love that shot! I look so happy! I am so happy! And I love our new tattoos, yours look so fab. I love you too! I hate Greyhound, but I love you 😛

@ queenie: So good to be back! And yeah, I figured I didn’t want to have all the same pictures as Josh did so I left out the one of me in the orange dress, but it’s still an awesome outfit.

@ ginny: DUDE it would be SO EASY to get fat down there, holy cow. I had to try real hard to not stuff my face with hushpuppies every single day. Tattoos were definitely a good idea. You’re welcome for sharing, thanks for reading!

@ 2lazydogs: Oh I’m so happy for you! You’ve got one plus on me – you don’t have to worry about border crossing! That green card thing is a real pain in the ass. But I’ve got my fingers crossed for you, and all I can say is that is a surprisingly awesome resource for apartments/jobs/cheap stuff when you’re moving so get cracking! I wants to hear the details!

@ romi: Thanks so much, seriously. You, May and Talea have been such a HUGE part of all this, and we talk about you all the time. I’m glad you enjoyed the photos, hopefully there will be more soon. Gotta wait on that vacay time though, curses!

@ peter parkour: Thanks dude, I love being an exhibitionist with my awesome love fest 😉

@ duffboy: Everyone needs tattoos. EVERYONE. Go get some ink, I don’t care if it’s a picture of a piece of celery, you can just cover it up later when the thrill of the first one sparks inspiration for the second, third and fourth, cause that’s how it always happens.

Woah! This is the greatest story of how you met someone. I’m so happy for you. I love: Ready. Aim. Fall. You have the best excuse for being gone for awhile.

You have an award waiting for you over at my place if you are interested. 🙂

@ Ms. Barclay: Thanks dude! I always feel bad when I’m gone for a bit, but in this case the nookie was well worth it 😉

@ Peter Parkour: AWWWWWWW you rule! Thank you!

May says:

As if I didn’t ever comment on this. I remember commenting on the pics on Facebook and having you over to gush about how awesome your trip was, but I totally ignored this post, sorry!!

Reading Josh’s comment to this post killed me. It is so so so so sweet!

Thanks May 🙂 Don’t forget, it was you who sent me to the TIMA’s in the first place, that’s the post he stumbled across and brought us together. Awwwwwwwww.

joebecca says:

omg i’m so sorry i’m late for this party!!


OMG GREENIE IS IN LOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEE!!!! and i’m sooo fucking happy for you it’s ridiculous! i want to just squeeze the stuffins out of you and tell you how happy i am for you and Josh!!! YAY!!! internet love!!yay again!
Totally stoked for you and love all the pics!! I must also add that you and i have one thing in common. we both have beautiful GREEN eyes!! how lucky are we!!! ???

heartlessjezebel says:

Love the story; met my boyfriend online playing video games and we now live together and are awesome as well. 🙂

I’ve blogrolled both you and your man, I can’t wait to keep reading installments of your equally hilarious blogs!

@ joebecca: i knoooooow! it’s awesome! and yes we are super lucky to have such fab green eyes. you know who else has them? talea AND josh. it’s a good life.

@ jezebel: that’s so rad, i’ve heard of lots of people who meet through online games. i’ll head on over to read your stuff cause you sound like fun. also, shameless plug: if you like both josh and i, check out our dual blog: it includes fun tales of how i broke my toe, and fun interviews (his in the style of stephen colbert, mine in the style of someone who lives for doritos and the word dude).

Lucky says:

omg…you two are so effin’ cute! I love it! I am so late on this. I disappeared from the blog world for awhile.

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