Christmastime in the Emerald City











{December 27, 2007}   I HATE WALK-IN CLINICS AND FAILED FUCKING M.D.s

WARNING TO ANYBODY I WORK WITH, I TEND TO GET REALLY PISSED OFF ON MY BLOG SOMETIMES, SO EITHER STOP READING OR YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NOT TO HOLD IT AGAINST ME.

SERIOUSLY….LIKE, I’LL BE USING THE WORD ‘MOTHERFUCKER’.

A LOT.  

******************************************************************************* 

Okay. So you all know that I’m nice and medicated to keep me from jumping my desk and throttling retarded fucking morons who do things like ask me to call a cab for them while I have seven lines ringing and the courtesy phone is right there on the table or even worse, try to engage me in a less than enthralling conversation on the benefits of living in fucking Richmond Hill.

So for anyone who cares to know, this is what I’ve been prescribed. By my doctor. You know, the one who actually has conversations with me, knows my symptons, general distaste for people, etc:

50 mg of Sertraline (knock-off Zoloft) split into two doses. 25 mg in the morning, 25 mg at night. You know, spread it throughout the day, no giant whop of meds all at once.

.5 mg of Clonazepam with the Sertraline, just to sort of even it out and prevent any nasty side effects (the first medication we tried was Citalopram – knock-off Celexa and it was baaaaaaaaaaad….like heroin-withdrawal teeth-chattering vomiting hair-made-out-of-razor-wire bad. We put a stop to that in a hurry.)

All in all, I wouldn’t say I’m on a lot of medication. I certainly don’t *feel* medicated. However, I also have Lorazepam (Ativan) for those *special times*. General day to day usage: nil. Having trouble falling asleep: 1 mg. Have to go to Wal-Mart for whatever reason: 2 mg. Christmas with the family: 4 mg.

Now heeeeeeeeeere’s the fun part kids. None of these medications are considered narcotics. They don’t dope me up (although it turns out 4mg of Lorazepam is enough to knock me out if I’m already tired and generally disinterested, which is precisely what happened at Christmas), I don’t get high off them, and it also means that if I’m running low, I don’t have to make an appointment with my understandably very busy family doctor. I can just walk into any old clinic, shake the empty bottles at them, and be on my merry way having wasted less of our provinces medical resources.

Except this past weekend. I had some jackass of a medschool newbie look at my charts and start asking me questions, such as ‘why are you splitting the dosages?’ Um, what the fuck do you care? This is what my doctor and I have found works best. You are not here to adjust my dosage levels, fucktard. You are here to carry out my doctor’s orders.

This…..ASSMONKEY….then proceeds to question with great concern as to why I am taking Clonazepam and Lorazepam. They are, he says, THE SAME MEDICATION.

I’m sorry, WHAT?!?!?! What did you just try to tell me?!?!? Do you have a medical dictionary I can use to break your face with?!?! Do you think they just randomly handed out seperate names for the same medication? Yes, they are in the same family of benzodiazepines. But so are a plethora of other obviously different medications, such as Valium, which is a tad too hardcore for me.

I can’t imagine anybody will follow any links to medical resources I happen to post here, but rest assured I am not relying on Wikipedia. The chemical formula for Clonazepam is C15H10CIN3O3. One does not feel an immediate reaction when taking Clonazepam. Or Sertraline for that matter. It builds up gradually, which is why you have to give any medication a couple of weeks before deciding whether or not it’s right for you. The desired anti-anxiety effects may take up to six weeks to kick in. In my case, I just kind of realized one day “Hey…I’m not as irritable as I used to be. Oh good!” And it’s different in every case, which is why a WALK IN CLINIC is not the place to do diagnostics.

The chemical formula for Lorazepam is C15H10C12N2O2. It’s sedative effects can be felt within ten minutes to half an hour. It is not meant to be used as a long term solution. It is a quick ‘bandaid’ fix for possibly escalating situations (ie: when I can’t breathe, feel chest pains, or seriously think I might snap and stab someone, or am heading into a situation where that might be likely – such as holidays with the faaaaaaamily.) Extensive use of Lorazepam followed by an abrupt cessation may cause withdrawal symptoms.

So. Thank you very much Dr. Jackass for 1) proving that you are a moron 2) pissing me off when CLEARLY that is not good for me 3) being WRONG and 4) treating me like a retard who just wants her candy, you condescending motherfucker and 5) leaving me with the lingering fear (again, not a good idea) that you are going to fuck hundreds of other people over with your misinformation. I was lucky enough to find a good doctor and not have to deal with a lot of bullshit. Others have been less fortunate. Others, with problems FAR greater than my post-adolescent parental shit-fit have to deal with YEARS of this bullshit, and some have not-so-happy endings because of it. So if you could just kindly follow MY doctors orders and stop wasting EVERYones time, it would be greatly appreciated. Merry fucking Christmas, you cocksucking asshole. I hope the next patient you see happens to be Hitler reincarnate and that you accidentally kill them with a wrong prescription and lose your license.

This incompetant sonofabitch is a fucking menace to society. And yes, I know I’m ranting and raving, but this rant and rave is particularly important because it’s not just about me. There are millions of people suffering from mental disorders or even just mental difficulties that have to wade their way through years of this crap and suffer the stigma surrounding it because of stupid fucking jackass doctors who seem to have won their degrees from a box of fucking Crackerjacks.

As was the golden rule in university when having to go to the nurses station, always remember: They are working here because they couldn’t cut it anywhere else.

Mother. Fucking. Assholes.

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soverydomestic says:

Yikes. I mean, I knew about it, but I didn’t know he was so off his rocker. I am so glad you were able to find someone sane and not have to deal with any more of his insanity. If he was any good at all, you know he’d be working in Toronto. 😛



talea says:

I.
HATE.
DOCTORS.
Absolutely, completely and with unabashed passion. More than anybody I know. I hate them. Obviously, I’ve written posts on it.
Doctor’s are not intelligent. Everyone thinks they are, but they’re not. They just have a greater capacity for studying and memorization. They do not give a fuck about their patients, don’t listen, don’t care what you say and always chalk it up to whatever will get you out of there the fastest, so they can bill the maximum number of patients and make more money.
I waited 12 fucking years for a doctor to diagnose me after all that suffering with what I have. Fucking RETARDED. You stupid assholes didn’t listen to me for 12 years! I certainly don’t expect walk-in clinic doctors to do any better. Which is why I’m extraordinarily rude to them when they try to challenge me. Trust me, I know more about my condition than they can ever hope to.
Fuckers.



greenmetropolis says:

When my doctor gets back from Mat leave, I’m going to make a point to tell her how much I appreciate her actually listening to me and taking the time to hear me out when I don’t want to increase my medication or see the same therapist. I had no idea how rare it was to find a good doctor who doesn’t just see you as a walking, snivelling paycheque. I am so fucking tempted to call that clinic and tell them what an asshole their doctor was and that I will never set foot in that clinic again. Ironically, Talea, it was the clinic in the mall under your old apartment. You know, the one that closes an hour early every day? Yeah, that one. Where I have yet to see the same doctor twice, because apparently they just keep them on a conveyor belt of assfuckery.



romi41 says:

You’re right..this wasn’t even like…funny…it’s more scary as a fellow Ontarian! Well…a lot of doctors are idiots, but my best friend just became one, and she actually IS smarter than the average cock-sucking asshole, and she actually cares as well…I officially make it her job to balance out the universe (oh, I guess I better tell her then…)



holy fuck that sucks. i hope you told him where to go.

one of my work mates nearly lost her brother coz of a misdiagonis.. he had pain on his right side (you know where the apendix is) and the doctor didnt even feel to see if anything was wrong just said it must be a KIDNEY infection and gave him sum meds and said see you. if it wasnt for this guys wife he coulda been dead.. he went to the hospital and his apendix ruptured luckily they got it. but fuck it makes you wonder how some doctors make the cut.

useless wankers.

im glad your ok



greenmetropolis says:

Hmmm. I think I will call that clinic and tell them what fucktards they are. It’ll make me feel better.



nahole says:

Gee, I don’t know Greenie, it seems that fellow was just trying to be helpful. You should be much more kind and patient with people like this. Until just before you rip their fucking heads off and shit down their retarded throats.



greenmetropolis says:

I was looking for a scalpel, trust me.



Josh says:

Yeah, I live in America, and I’m not Bill fucking Gates, so I can’t go to the doctor unless I’m going to die. I just can’t afford it. I broke my finger: no doctor. Sliced my arm from wrist to elbow, no doctor. Stepped on a nail which impaled my foot for an inch and a half, no cock smoking, ass raping, con artist mother fucking doctor. I had to get a bunch of stiches inside my mouth when some gangster kicked my ass, and this doctor prick prescribed me ibuprofen. Fucking ibuprofen! I can just take four of the fucking pills I have sitting at home you ass. Give me something that actually stops pain, or suck my cock to distract me, damn dude. I won’t go to the doctor until I’ve been sick for a whole month, and only then if it’s unbearable and getting worse.

Sorry your clinic doctor was a dick. I hate doctors too. Even if I could go I wouldn’t. They fucking suck. Plus every doctor I’ve ever been to thinks everything is a cold. Every fucking thing. I can carefully explain the difference between my symptoms, say strep throat, and a common god damned cold and they blow me off like I’m a fucking idiot because I don’t wear a white coat, or one of those retarded looking color coordinated scrub things. God I hate them. But not as much as I hate pharmacists, which are I guess our equivalent to your clinic peoples. Yeah, cause we have to pay twice to get medicine. Pay the fucking doctor, and then pay the pharmacy. Gay as hell. Sometimes three times, cause we have to pay insurance too, then the doctor, then the pharmacy. I fucking hate our health care system. In fact, I hate a lot of shit about how our government works. I should move to Canada, the land of ice, and therefore year round erect nipples!



Well, we broke the record this morning for the season’s highest temperatures, so I don’t know about the year round erect nipples…but yes, our health care system still beats the crap out of your healthcare system. And I hate pharmacists too. “So, your doctor changed your medication?” “Um, no? I’ve been on this for three months? Don’t you have that written down?” “Oh! This is the wrong label. I’ll change it.” Jesus Christ.

I’m going to start using leeches for everything.



nahole says:

you walking around with hard fucking nipples would rock – blast you global warming!



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