Christmastime in the Emerald City

{November 26, 2007}   This is What Happens When You Forget Your Meds….

I was late for work this morning. Because I just didn’t wake up. Shit happens sometimes, and I just woke up late. Running out the door, I forgot to grab my meds. You know, the ones I take when I feel like punching old ladies or squishing children between revolving doors? Yeah, not a good morning. Not a good day.

It’s fucking cold, it’s fucking damp, I’m fucking cranky. Irritable, that’s the expression that gets thrown around on my chart, next to ‘anxious’. I get irritable really easily. Think PMS except all the time and without the female excuse and Midol ain’t gonna fix this pisser of a mood.

Today I want everybody to fuck off and die. Well, okay….not necessarily everybody. I mean, how am I going to get laid when I’m eventually in the mood if everybody dies? Not practical, right? But there’s quite a few people I just want to smash in the face with a pickaxe right now.

Mostly I want to hit everybody in the face that walks through my fucking doors without knowing the name or even company of the person they are hoping to see. I know the majority of the population walks in thinking there is only one company here. But when I say “You’re here for an interview? With whom?” you shouldn’t be staring at me blankly, before flipping apologetically through your tacky pile of paper held together with an elastic band trying to decipher your own goddamned writing from the McDonald’s wrapper you inevitably used to copy down the job posting from the inside of a telephone booth.

I also want to hit people in the face for coming up and talking to me about shit that I couldn’t possibly care less about. Like taxes. Really, I don’t want to fucking hear it. Do you not see my eyes glazing over? And what the fuck is it about elevators that makes it so extremely necessary to fill the silence? I don’t know you, and I’m well aware that it’s fucking cold out. Leave me alone!!!

I want to go out and smash every Grand and Toy product available, because my boss has asked me to flip through the catalogue and find prices and yet I can’t find a single thing in this disorganized piece of shit. Or perhaps I could if the phone would stop ringing every five seconds. Literally.

I want to smash the corporate laughter coming from the boardroom and the falseties that people are forced to wear in order to pay their rent. Like ‘liking’ people. I get paid to answer the phone and greet people. I’m only as cheery as I goddamned well need to be.

How many of you, upon calling up some company for whatever reason, automatically launch into “Hi, my name is so and so, from such and such a company. Is whathisface there?” I certainly hope none of you do this, because I don’t give a fuck what your name is. Just tell me who you want so I can press the button faster and get the fuck on with the rest of my day. How pompous do you have to be to think that a secretary is going to remember you by name because you fucking call so often.

I curse the air around me for not being ten degrees warmer, and I curse the fucking clock for only saying ten after three. I want to go the fuck home to my disgusting half-reno’d half-given up on covered-in-animals-and-dishes apartment, crawl under a blanket and sleep through the rest of winter.

I want a blanket and a cigarette, NOW!!!!!!


nahole says:

Greenie – I’m sorry your fucking day sucks so bad. I keep a full set of my meds (actually a five day supply) at work for this very fucking reason. Missing meds can suck so fucking bad it fucking hurts. I feel your fucking pain.

Josh says:

Awww, Emerald is cute when she’s pissy. Naw, I’m kidding. I had a shitfest of a day too. And I don’t have any meds to take when I’m stressed enough to slit my wrists and walk around the office bleeding all over everyone just out of spite. Well, I usually drink a lot. But I’m trying to quit that, so now I have no way whatsoever to calm down. Major suckage. I want a blanket and a cigarette too.

Maybe this will make you feel better. I got in a huge argument with my brother. Then when I went to the beach to see my woman, but spent most of the time trying not to fight her step dad for calling her an idiot slut every ten minutes. Then i came home to a house full of work I didn’t want to do. Then I got a message from my woman stating that she is pissed at me for some mystery reason and that I need to call her on Monday. So I’m so stressed about what that could be, that I am only able to get a few hours of much interrupted tossing and turning Sunday night. I went to work bleary eyed and ate a bologna sandwich during morning break that gave me gas and diarrhea for the rest of the day. I came home after stressing about the phone call all day, call her up, and she isn’t there. So now I have to wait an unknown amount of time, in relationship limbo, in a home filled with conflict, feeling sick, and try not to drink. And on top of that, I’m more than likely going to prison in a few weeks, and I don’t have the money to pay the lawyer before I go. Yeah, I’ll take a blanket and a cigarette with your order please. I figure you’re off of work by now. Take some extra meds and smoke a fat splif and you’ll be right as rain.

lonelygurl21 says:

Wow… you sound like i do daily!
i 2 hate it when people ring up and tell me who they are. i dont give a fuck.

hope you feeling fucken better now 🙂

if not kick something.

greenmetropolis says:

All is well now because I went home, had a blanket and a cigarette, and scrubbed my fucking floors. Then that UBER HOT GUY that I’ve been chasing FINALLY CALLED ME and we are possibly going for a drink, so that rocks!

joebec says:

AWWW darlin, i’m sorry your day has gone to shit. hopefully the cigarette and the covers brought some solace to the rest of the day.

Josh says:

Hey darlin, like you said before: smoke him up, sleep with him, something else, and something else. Oh yeah cook for him, that was one! I forgot the last. Maybe warn him about your anger issues, although I always find it exciting to get no warning. The anger issues always turn into very very fun issues some other time. (see second *blank* with him)

Grab his rocker ass and keep that shit locked down woman! You find your happiness however you want.

greenmetropolis says:

Josh, you fucking rock hardcore. I heart that you told me to grab his rocker ass, because that’s totally what I plan to do.

And Joebec, yes, that cigarette was a damned good one. Especially followed by icecream.

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