Christmastime in the Emerald City

{November 12, 2007}   Se7en Random Facts About Me. (Yeah, that’s right, I spelled it like in the movie. Get over it.)


A few people I work with read this. So while I briefly considered censoring myself, I fucking hate censorship and decided against it. Instead, I will take this opportunity to inform those coworkers that they are not allowed to hold any of the following information against me. If they do, violence will follow.

Thank you for your attention, and now moving onwards.

1) As is probably evident, I have ‘anger management’ issues or some such happy horseshit. I rant and blog away to keep myself from screaming at idiots. It all stems from the fact that I’m pissed at my parents for not helping me with school/moving out/bills/anything really and then interrogating me about my credit cards. All of this while my sister is in private school. Fuckers. Fuckers who are not allowed to talk to me anymore. Under that is the fact that I’m surrounded by fucking morons 90% of the time, and am not allowed to punch them in the face. So all that anger gives me anxiety attacks, and now I’m on happy pills. For anyone out there looking for a kick, Zoloft and Clonazepam are great, but Ativan is where it’s at.

2) I had something called Meckles Direticulum when I was a young ‘un. This basically means my intestines told the rest of my body to fuck off, they were going to do their own thing, thank you very much. So they twisted themselves into a knot, I dropped into convulsions and was rushed to the hospital. So, risky surgery and last rites later, I told my intestines to fuck off, since I was in charge. Now I have a six inch scar running vertically through my navel. I kind of like it.

3) I have a thing for musicians in general, but bass players especially, and long hair, piercings, tattoos, etc. It’s not my fault, my father is a roadie.

4) I heart body modifications. I have the Emerald City tattooed on my back in glorious 17 hour technicolour. I have the Pi symbol between my shoulderblades with “Beware of the Devil’s Magic” below it (because Pi does some scary shit, yo.) I had 8 barbells in the back of my neck, flat rivets as opposed to balls on the ends, so it essentially looked like I had 16 nails in the back of my neck. It was fucking sweet. It was also a fucking expensive way to figure out that I’m allergic to nickel. I have my lower lip pierced, my ears of course, and I have an flower scalpelled into my right hip. That’s right. I let my piercing artist cut me with a scalpel for over an hour while I laid there taking it. The other artists in the shop all came over to see because they were all “Dude, is she okay? She’s not even screaming or anything.” That’s right, I’m hardcore.

5) Pain killers do not work very well with me. To illustrate this, there is a good chance that I have endometriosis (look it up). But, it can’t be diagnosed without a laproscopy (look it up), which is too risky in my case due to the scar tissue from my childhood surgery. This essentially means that despite my high pain tolerance, as indicated by fact number 4, my girly time of the month is excruciating. Tylenol, nope. Advil, nope. Aspirin, nope. Stolen Oxycodan, nope. Stoned? Yes. Numbed? Not at fucking all.

6) In fact, drugs in general do not do very much to me. Someone commented last night that I do not appear to be a drug user. This is correct. However, I smoke pot on a near daily basis, which just makes me the happiest person on earth. I can easily snort a gram of coke and carry on a normal conversation (just a little faster than usual maybe). But I don’t do this very often because I am not down with spending that kind of money. I used to do a lot of ecstasy. However, one night at some random millionaires loft with a friend, we helped ourselves to the same batch of pills random millionaire left out for us. She took one and was flying for the next 24 hours. I took eight and was fucking bored. Not, I thought to myself, the drug for me. I’ll stick to my cheap ‘a little bit giddy’ pot, thank you very much.

7) I fucking knit. That’s right. Me, hardcore, totally pierced, tattooed, scarred, coke snorting, pot smoking, pill ingesting, over drinking, constantly stab-stab gesturing, ball breaking, head banging ME. I knit.

That’s right. Look at me and all my glorious knitting. Embrace it.

So, there you have it. I hope you enjoyed this little trip further into the Emerald City. Motherfuckers.

(Sorry, I just didn’t feel I had said ‘fuck’ enough in this post. Had to meet my quota. Shit fuck damn.)


talea says:

Se7en? Loser.
I already knew all these things about you. I am unimpressed. Haha.
I like the shit fuck damn at the end. Fucka fucka fucka!
I think this list again proves how very different we are. But all eerily similar. doo dee doo dooooo.

nahole says:

Jee-bus Greenie – TMI fucking overload today. I never fucking realized you had any fucking anger issues.

Maytina says:

Love it, though I too knew this stuff already. I always love reading something and then up pops of photo of fun in my living room. Knitting is where it’s at man. I now have 9 tattoos and though I’ve taken out my piercings, they were there when I started knitting! 😛 I think I officially know more rad ladies that knit than old ladies, though there are a couple of old rad ladies to even that out. 😀

Josh says:

Hell fucking yeah woman, you brought the thunder! I knew your shit would leave me with pleasure bruises. I do have to say though, all women get wet for musicians, it’s just a fact. That’s why every dude wants to be a rock star. Hence Guitar Hero existing.

I think possibly the sixteen nails in the back of your neck thing was the coolest piercing idea I have ever heard. Seriously, rivets! What a sweet idea. I’ve always thought piercings were super hot, but I never got any. I’m not a big needle guy. Combining the Devil, magic, and Pi? Genius. And the flower scalpelled into your hip: bad fucking ass! You’re one tough bitch. I wouldn’t want to fight you. I’ve always found the whole hardcore thing to be sweet, but I’ve never had the pain threshold or the temperament to pull it off. Oh well, I can always bang metal chicks, close enough.

And I think even cooler than the knitting is that Morticia Adams pose you pull when the picture is snapped. I had a girl once who was into knitting. It seems like a good way to stab yourself to me, but then most of my hobbies include accidentally stabbing myself, so I can’t really talk. I even managed to stab myself the other day when I was blogging, go fig. but that’s why you’re supposed to close the damn knife when you’re done with it.

Asshole, you’re just pissed that I mentioned my period. And as for the anger management issues, hellooOOOoooOOOoo? The post entitled “Fuck You, You Fucktarded Fucking Fuckbags”?

I lub you May and Talea for already knowing me so well. I don’t think there’s anything you don’t already know about me. Except for that one time in ‘Nam.

greenmetropolis says:

Josh, you kick total ass. Seriously, kissing my ass gets you everywhere. And the knitting is great on the subway, because nobody wants to sit next to the homicidal rocker chick with flying pink needles. Who gets a row of seats all to herself? This hardcore motherfucker RIGHT HERE!

joebec says:

I thought the se7en was cool, but I fucking LOVE that movie.
Being a fellow Ativan user, i’ll agree, it’s pretty awesome, and you should try Elavil. It’s even better!!(i don’t sleep well, ok?)
Pot is the greatest plant ever grown by God and man and I heart you for this post. bigtime.. like, almost in a dirty way.

Cheers! 😀

I prefer the term low bullshit threshold to anger management issues. It helps me cope. And keeping up the fuck quota is a high priority of mine as well.

greenmetropolis says:

Dudes, I love the blogosphere. I mean seriously, where else can I get this much of an ego boost first thing in the morning? Joebec, you’re like my hero 😀 And purefnevyl, I kind of have a crush on Hellboy, so you fit right in…

Jack says:

Cool! I love your attitude! I wish more people were honest about shit like you are! I also think it’s cool, you’re a hottie and you knit and you don’t care what people think.

Keep it up, and happy new year babe!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: