Christmastime in the Emerald City

{September 18, 2007}   Today Is Kind of Awesome.

This morning we got a bill faxed in from our friends over at the phone company who constantly fuck up our phone lines. One of those internet phone fiascos. They tend to fuck up as in ‘stop receiving incoming calls’ or ‘all calls sound like they are coming through on a foreign mobile underwater’ or ‘various extensions are simply not working and everybody is pissed’. That kind of thing.

This bill came faxed in with a big desperate note handscrawled across the top. “Account overdue, please pay immediately!” or something along those lines. This bill was from July, which is when the phones were at their worst. The bill is also for over four thousand dollars. It also includes a random $600 ‘Miscellaneous’ charge. Under details, it simply says ‘miscellaneous’. Right. How about no?

To make it just that much more hilarious, I just spent the last forty-five minutes trying to explain to various clients why the phones were once again not working properly. A few of them actually came over to my desk and had the rare opportunity to watch me pick up the phone, only to have it keep ringing, completely oblivious to my action. They then watched as I continued to press the ‘answer’ button again and again and again, to absolutely no avail. Of course, I smiled through the whole thing.

So that was fun. Really.

One of our clients can be a tad wacky. To me, wacky is weird in a relatively harmless kind of way. I may furrow my brow and think ‘quoi?’ but it will rarely encite my full-fledged anger. This particular person will occasionally call me up and say ‘was that a call for meeee?’ My reply will be “um…sorry?” He’s getting calls on his phone, he’ll say. Oh. Well. Then yes, that was a call for you. It didn’t come through my switchboard, but yes, it was a call for you. Odd.

Well, anyways, slightly wacky person bought himself a box of cookies today, and then decided after a few that he was sick of them. Since he had chosen a box of raspberry Viva Puffs, one could hardly blame him. Did he simply put them in his drawer to consume on another day? No. No, he wandered over and decided I would appreciate them a little more fully.

He was right.

We’ve also got someone who sings to nobody in particular, and continues conversations after walking away. Again, to nobody in particular. It’s kind of like watching television at work.

Another bemusing character likes to explain in great detail the exciting world of international tax consulting. Including the variations between this years textbook and the last. You see there are memos and stuff that don’t go in until later, so ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz. Anyways, he borrowed my metropass today to go the bank. This resulted in a hot chocolate. Sweeeeeeeet.

So I’m sitting at my desk eating cookies and drinking chocolate and making fun of inept companies. How could the day get any more awesome?

Easily. On the subway today, there was a crazy B.O. lady who was not only smelling her mittens, but talking to them as well. Also, I have a drunk person sitting in my reception area right now. And I’ll be getting drunk later on tonight. With nachos. I fucking love nachos.

Also, I just got booked for another $100/day makeup gig. Extra money, how cool is that? Speaking of extra money, the recent corporate buyout has resulted in my last paycheque being about %40 bigger. I can pay my hydro! And buy clothes!

And, and, and, the traffic ticket court agent dude who usually has idiots show up? He had a particularly hot idiot show up the other day. Kind of looks like this:


The, um, not blue one. Tattooed elbows, oh my god. He’s expected back this week, and apparently plans to say hello to yours truly (and thinks yours truly is hot.) Sweetbombs.

Today, life is awesome. Today, in celebration of it being awesome, I am wearing my favourite accessory: a bracelet made from the bass string of the above pictured Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue hotness. Sweeeeeeet.

Anyone who tries to ruin my day by being sober or retarded can fuck off and die.


Maytina says:

Holy shit, what a sweet day. I hope it continued the same! Raspberry Viva Puffs are sort of scary, you know? The kind of food that clearly comes from nothing in nature, nothing even close to something from nature. Perhaps this is why they are so oddly delish?

greenmetropolis says:

Yeah, I’m starting to think Viva Puffs are the tool of the devil. Sort of like calculus. Calculus can do some scary shit, man. And yes, the rest of my night was awesome. It involved beer and nachos. The only downside was that they were out of Amsterdam Framboise. And the waiter kept touching my shoulder. But other than that, all was good.

This blog was so random I just got ADD reading it… 🙂

Yeah, this one sort of went all over the place, but I was in a fantastic mood, which is really rare. Actually, no, I’m usually in a fantastic mood, but I only blog when I’m ready to hit somebody. I thought a happy blog would be a nice addition.

romi41 says:

How refreshing and wonderful :-)…so you’re a viva puffs girl eh? I always found viva puffs to be odd, but I would always eat them anyway, ’cause there was chocolate and marshallows and stuff in them, and you can’t go fucking wrong.

cait says:

Did the waiter look like this? … because if he did. It’s okay. Paul can do no wrong.

greenmetropolis says:

I normally don’t eat viva puffs, because i normally don’t buy them. I actually buy retardedly healthy groceries, and when I eat out, it’s all tofu and stuff. But when someone GIVES me a box of cookies, well that’s a different story. They are kind of weird. Every time I shove one in my mouth, it’s like I have to contemplate it a bit…

Cait says:

The concept of the Viva Puff is a brilliant, however the actually execution it only mediocre… I’ve eaten them to Em, but I think it’s the desire for them to be better then what they are keeps me trying them again, and again.

Now holding head in shame.

greenmetropolis says:

They’re kind of like PopTarts that way…you keep eating them, because you keep thinking they’re going to be better than they actually are…

Hannah Sparman says:

Pop tafrts arde nasty greenmetropolis, and nhow old is this sit;e i havent been on it in ageds, because i jgu&hgst moved to NY cheags3aaa! My apartmehnt is funcking awesogme, but there is tHis raunchy guy who lIves next dofor andv keeps inviting mge in for coffee. yeahhhhhhhhhhh right DhuDE! nyways Mayntina msg me Lc8er baAasrha aw manR im stoned bigY timeeeeee *&^()#*OHJf

Hannah Sparman says:

Ohah Nd BTw is that the blue man who danceeeeeeee buhahaha

greenmetropolis says:

Um, yeah, I’m just wondering if anybody knows who cracky up there is?

talea says:

Thanks for that amazing insight, Hannah.
And I don’t eat Viva Puffs. They frighten me. I get the feeling they would outlast a nuclear apocalypse.

romi41 says:

LOL…I thought “cracky” was your cracked-out BFF or something, so I was just like “leave it be….” haha…

greenmetropolis says:

Nope. No idea. I love cracky’s though. They kind of make my day. Especially on the subway.

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